WAC Confessions

Well it's Monday again. During the summer, I truly believe that Monday's are the longest day of the week. During the school year, it's Wednesdays. Wednesday's are always my super long school days, and they feel like they never end. During the summer, it's Monday, and this Monday in particular is rougher than usual. It's been an eventful week, and I really don't think my body has caught up from the jet lag of last week yet. They say that the amount of time it takes to recover from jet lag is equal to the number of time zones you went through, but that's for the normal traveler. If you're me and you don't stop moving even after you get home, then it seems to take a little longer. Either that or I'm dying.

Mill and I did a lot last week. Although I slept the entire day on Sunday, I was consistently moving for the rest of last week. On Monday, I got up early for work, stayed an extra hour and a half, then spent the rest of the day at Millie's doing absolutely nothing but being lazy. I didn't sleep, but I did sit in the passenger seat with my feet up. Tuesday, I got up for work early again, stayed until 12:30, came home and relaxed, then went and saw Magic Mike XXL...bc $5 Tuesdays duh. Rightfully so, I watched a group of half naked men grind and dance on other women, then went and got some tacos...bc Taco Tuesday duh. Seriously, who would voluntarily miss out on Taco Tuesday? Wednesday, I got up early for work (more patterns), stayed until 12:30, then spent the entire day running errands with Millie. Again, no sleep. I didn't go to bed until almost 3 in the morning because of course we procrastinate life and decided to go to Wal-Mart at 10:30 pm to get pasta salad stuff, then stay up all night making it. I also got poison ivy and fifteen million mosquito bites from weeding with her family. If I don't have chronic jet lag, I probably have West Nile...awesome. Thursday, Mill and I spent the day at Six Flags...bc bring a friend free duh. I finally got to ride Goliath, which was awesome by the way. Definitely the best ride at the park. I totally recommend it to all of you who are not reading my blog because no one reads it. We also took an impromptu trip to Dekalb so Mill could show me NIU. It's a beautiful place with a beautiful campus, but it's definitely not for me. It's too big, first of all, and I personally think NCC is much prettier. There's trees, beautiful architecture, a river, and beautiful scenery overall. At NIU, there's a lot of buildings that look the same, huge gaps of nothing but corn fields, and a horrid smell if you're anywhere but campus. It's not for me. It's just not. Finally, we spent our Friday downtown at The Taste. This was probably the best thing we did all week. We stuffed our faces with delicious samples, opted for repeatedly going back to the Mountain Dew free samples instead of buying an actual pop, and we ran on full stomachs to catch a train we realistically could've walked to. I then played chauffeur (as always) and drove her to Posen to get her hair done, then stayed there with her until Tony came home. It was definitely an eventful week.

The weekend was just as fun and slightly more laid back. Saturday was a total lazy day. I slept until 11, didn't get out of my pajamas until almost 3, and then did three loads of laundry around 4. The entire day was spent watching Grey's and cuddling with my dog. I hope you didn't expect something else to leave my fingers. Millie was at NIU all weekend, so of course the only option I had was Grey's and dog. Josh texted me for the first time after the vaca incident too. That was weird. He apologized, admitted he was in the wrong, and asked me for breakfast the next morning. As expected, he didn't wake up for breakfast, but my hopes were already pretty low. He's always going to be flaky, and he's never going to measure up to the kind of person I want to be with. While that's one of the saddest things I could ever think to say, it's also one of the most satisfying. I've been chasing him since my junior year of high school, and he's done his fair share of dragging me through the mud, so to be able to say "I'm giving up on you," is a big big feat. I never thought I would come to that realization, but thank God I did. I can't stand being let down anymore, especially by the same person. Although I still want to talk to him and be his friend, I know I can't depend on him for anything, so removing his toxicity from my life will be nothing but beneficial. I'll take my time in getting rid of him, and I'll probably never remove him for good, but knowing that I'm capable of admitting he's not the one both surprises and elates me.

Sunday was even more fun. Although I got up early and hungry, I still had a great day ahead of me. It was Reesie's big day, and I was super excited about it. The church part of the baptism felt like it took forever, and the deacon seemed to want to keep us there the whole day, but once the hard part was over, the party began. Jake and Mary built a beautiful home. The outside was absolutely gorgeous, and the inside was something out of a Home and Gardens magazine. They even made an effort to incorporate our small candle holder into their decor, which of course makes me happy as a clam. Yes, I totally just said happy as a clam. That's what happens when you're exhausted, bored out of your mind, and cannot think of anything clever to say to save your life. Anyways, Reesie is absolutely adorable, and I'm filled with joy the minute I see her. I never believed that there could be so much love in such a tiny human being, but you see it as soon as she looks at you, her tiny nose scrunches, and her bright blue eyes light up. She is the definition of love, perfection, and purity. I strive to set a good example for her, and I pray that she doesn't have to grow up in the environment she was born into. I constantly pray for change so that she doesn't have to fear being offensive when she wears a certain color, likes a certain type of person, or enjoys a certain thing. I hope that her parents also grow to be her friend. There's always a debate on whether or not parents should be parents versus parents being friends, and I strongly believe that people have the ability to do both. Here's why.

My Mom is my best friend. Growing up, I knew I was able to tell her anything, from getting a bad grade on a test to asking if I was pregnant because the condom came off in me. It was right around the time I started dating Levandis that I started lying to her. I never enjoyed it, but I did it so often that I eventually stopped feeling guilty altogether. I wouldn't have lied if she reacted better to his offer to take me to prom, but my Mom is not pro-interracial dating. Neither is my dad, but he just didn't say anything. I knew that it killed both of them to know I was falling for someone who wasn't white, but here's the thing. Love who you love, like who you like, and hate who you hate, because at the end of the day, it's you whose stuck with them and it's you whose stuck with that feeling. No one else. Just you. If you fall in love with the wrong person at the wrong time, you get over it and move on. But if you ignore those feelings for that person, then you'll miss out on many many opportunities, and who wants to have regrets? Not me. Since Levandis and I broke up, my Mom has become a little more relaxed on the idea that I partake in interracial relationships. When I first told her that Kris was black, she was unhappy, but eventually, she stopped telling me that she was disappointed. She will never be okay with the idea that I may marry a man outside of my race. She may not attend my wedding, she may want no part in my life after that, and she may miss out on a lot of opportunities to be a mother-in-law and a grandmother, but that's her choice. At the end of the day, I need to make me happy, not someone else.

With that being said, I think parents are capable of being friends too. It may not be the easiest, but its doable. I hope that my little Reesie Roo will be able to experience this. If she wants to date a black man, then I hope she can. If she wants to drop out of college and travel the world for a year, I hope she can. She'll always have my unwavering support with whatever she chooses to do (within reason), but I hope she gets that support from Jake and Mary too. I would've killed to have that kind of support from my already loving parents. I hope Reese is never limited by her parents preferences, or the preferences of her family in general. I hope she can be whoever she wants to be without fear of being rejected. She has such a big heart for such a tiny person, and as she grows, I would hate to see that go to waste.

That was my Sunday. Visiting my sleepy little girl, hanging out with my family, and enjoying some great food with great company. Who could want anything more? I can't wait to go back to Mary's this week and get some one-on-one Reesie time. So so stoked. I was hoping this post would take a little longer than it did, but here I am with a little over an hour and a half left with nothing to do. I guess I'll check Facebook again, decorate a Hawaii fund envelope, and maybe read some more of my book. This blogging thing is starting to grow on me, and maybe some day I'll publish it publicly. As for now, I'll leave it as a nice online diary that no one reads but me. Oh, and I fixed the fax machine. I just wanted it to be known that I am a hero.